Mental Wellness

"Everything will be alright my friend. It's time to let go."

Recently, I heard that voice of calm reassurance that comforted me and challenged me to relinquish a list of unjust things that were carried out against me. 

My husband and I often take long walks in the city of Colombo during the evenings and we pray together and talk about anything and everything. 

I had been praying a lot for God to help me see things clearly - to see the areas I needed to grow in, and also to show me if I'm crazy for seeing the messed up stuff certain people did around me. I had gotten so overwhelmed by their unrighteousness that I was having trouble seeing any goodness. More than that, I wanted to grow closer to God and grow in my character but I suddenly didn't know where to start. Was I just offended or wronged? Was I imagining weirdness? Or was this really happening, and I just needed to see it as it was, and not let it affect me. 

On that walk, in the quiet night he told me a story of two old friends who were spending time together. One of them was telling the other of all the hurt he had gone through and all the messed up stuff that had happened to him. Hearing that, I thought to myself, "I hope the other guy got everyone in trouble and exposed all the nonsense." But the story took a very different turn. The friend who had listened to all of it simply told his friend, "You just need to get over it. Okay see ya!" and he left.

Obviously, I figured out why my husband was telling me this story, haha. Okay okay honey...I get it! But I really did. And I heard that voice within me. It was more of a calm that I'm still experiencing. Peace - truly a gift from the Holy Spirit. So what if people want to hurt you out of jealousy, or get to you, belittle you, undermine you, gossip about you, or whatever else you can think of. Didn't they treat Jesus just the same? Worse, in fact. No one stood up for him and defended him. No one rebuked Judas for what he did, nor did anyone fire the Sanhedrin. Life went on! And Jesus forgave them because he really believed they didn't get what they were doing. 

Jesus' prayers helped his heart get over his depression in the garden of Gethsemane, and face what he had to face. There's a song I was listening to from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar when I was feeling low. Here are the lyrics that I felt resonated with my heavy heart: 

Then I was inspired, now I'm sad and tired

Listen, surely I've exceeded expectations

Tried for three years, seems like thirty

Could you ask as much from any other man?

...

Then I was inspired, now I'm sad and tired

After all I've tried for three years

Seems like ninety

Why then am I scared to finish what I started?

What you started, I didn't start it

Read more: Jesus Christ Superstar - Gethsemane (i Only Want To Say) Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

I think we can all go through these moments. We look back at a time we were so inspired and over time with life and its pain, we get sad and tired and it doesn't make sense. But we have to fight and get out of it. Fight to have a godly perspective and go to God for encouragement. When Elijah was being zealous for God during Ahab & Jezebel's reign he got very discouraged right after he called fire from heaven! How many of us can say we had a victory like that? But he already had a bad rap with them after telling them they wouldn't get any rain for 3 years because of their behavior towards God. And after he calls fire down from heaven and has all the false prophets of Baal killed, Jezebel threatens his life and so he flees into the desert. He leaves his servant behind in Beersheba (isolating himself), sat under a broom tree and prayed that he would just die. God was so gentle with him (which is something I'm working on in my character). He sent an angel to him twice to feed him and let him rest. Then God appeared to him in a whisper and told him to get back to work. He reminded him that he had reserved 7000 people in Israel who hadn't bowed down to Baal. SEVEN THOUSAND! We know from reading the previous chapter that Obadiah (who was in charge of Ahab's palace) had protected 100 prophets by hiding them in caves. But we never see the prospect of seven thousand people being believers. Reading about this in my quiet time just reminded me how mighty God is, and how when he says the harvest is plentiful - it is plentiful beyond my wildest dreams. God also tells Elijah it's time to delegate his responsibilities and anoint three more men to fulfill various roles, one role being Elisha's role to succeed himself. Elijah left renewed and appointed Elisha. 

Elijah had gotten really depressed and lonely...similar to how some of my earlier posts may sound. David too! One of the symptoms I'm able to see a bit more clearly now is one of feeling all alone. "I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your alters, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too." - I Kings 19:14

A few things that helped me get out of this rut was praying, wrestling with the scriptures, not giving into temptations of slander, and having three close friends who also understood my situation and let me confide in them. Just knowing that they saw the same things, helped me remember that God sees it all too. And then the Holy Spirit really helped calm my anxious heart, forgive, and move on. 

"How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me?...I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people." - Psalm 116:12,14

I feel a lot stronger after what felt like a rather traumatic experience, where the rug was just snatched from beneath my feet. And I've decided I'm not going to let myself be so offended by people and allow that to come in between our work for God and his kingdom. The work must carry on, and my love must grow. After all:

A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle. - Proverbs 18:19

But - 

Love covers a multitude of sins. - 1Peter 4:8

We cover sin by acknowledging it and then extending the forgiveness God gave us, to others.  Proverbs 19:11 says, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” And that's how I feel right now, like the girl in the attic chilling and listening to the rain during the storm. I pray more of us can take that proverb to heart, as well as Jesus' example of forgiveness and be able to say wholeheartedly - it is well with my soul.

- little fire

The above illustration is by Francesca Buchko from Minneapolis, MN (where I went to college :) // francescabuchko.com