Golden bowls of prayer

One of my favorite illustrators is Gemma Correll. Her comics always manage to crack me up while peering into my sad thoughts and making me more self aware. As a kid my parents moved a lot and so, my brother and I had to change many schools (about 6 not including college), and friends over the years. On the plus side, my coping and friend-making skills developed helping me be outgoing, friendly and adaptable. But on the flip side, I had convinced myself never to cry in front of my friends or appear weak, and for some reason I trusted everyone. It has taken me many years as a disciple to unlearn that being weak or needing help is not at all a bad thing.

The past two years, I've felt my weakest - the most incompetent and unworthy version of myself than ever before. And while I asked for help constantly, doing my best to be vulnerable, expressing the challenges I faced, things didn't really change or seem to comfort me...and people didn't really help out that much. I was so bewildered! I really thought that my problem all along had been my lack of vulnerability. I began to feel very hurt knowing that the people who could help change my situation, didn't. (Don't get me wrong, being vulnerable is important and I still value and practice that in my life. Additionally, I wasn't going around pouring out my problems on anyone who would listen.) But I think I had started expecting certain people to bring me more comfort than God, and I believed that I could change situations by speaking up.

I remember weeping on my bed and crying out to God to please encourage me because I couldn't take the stress of work and the ministry at one point. One of my students who was going through some intense psychological problems had lashed out against me in class and spread rumors that I was physically and verbally abusive. Even though all the other students stood by me as well as the staff saying I had never done anything like that, this student threatened to sue the university. She would text me constantly, and I would always try to help, but then she would just say completely different stuff behind my back. I was so sad and was really begging God to help me out. The next day, the accounts guy at work called me to his office and said my visa had a problem and that David & I had to fly back to India immediately to get the right visas and return. I was speechless! This meant I could see my parents, have 5 days off work, rest, and get to attend their Women's Day! God really heard my cries. I don't know why that surprised me as much as it did, because through out the Bible it says that God heard his people cry out to him and ... plus when I prayed that night, I knew the only thing that could help me was my God and I really demanded him to help me. I was so grateful to visit my parents, get some time off with David and get to share for their Women's Day. Thank you so much again Abba! When I came back, the problems were all still there waiting for me, but I had a renewed peace, clarity and strength to face it all.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. - 2 Cor 1:3-4



When we read through the gospels, we see that Jesus constantly rebuked the disciples for their lack of faith. Sometimes I think we don't pray because we don't think anything will change. We don't really have the faith that God will intervene. Similarly, when the disciples thought Jesus had died-died, they were so sad they went back to what they knew before - fishing. But that wasn't the end. In John 21 - we see Jesus intervene and reinstate Peter, reminding him of the mission of love, the persecution he would have to face and his call to "Follow me!". Throughout the Bible God intervenes in peoples lives in order to help them see Him more clearly, to choose life instead of death (read Deut 30:15-20). I see this as an upward call to my faith - to constantly believe he hears my prayers and not be surprised when he answers them, to go to God for my comfort and strength above all and never let anything else come in the way. And best of all, to go to him for courage and boldness so that I can face the challenges that come with life (in general) and more so with our mission as we bring the ministry of reconciliation to the world. Below are two scriptures that inspire me to ask for boldness, and compel me to share my faith with others.

And now, Lord, look upon their threats and grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with all boldness. - Acts 4:29

Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade others. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. 12 We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart. 13 If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14 For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15 And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

16 So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made him who had no sin to be sin[b] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. - 2 Cor 5:11-21

Wherever we may be geographically, we do not any have time to waste. Psychology changes constantly. One day the answer to everything is to not spank your kids, and on another day it's about not telling anyone anything but only asking questions. It's so easy to put our faith into teachings which seem to have so many people rooting for it. But a of couple years later their message changes. I really thought my past and history led me to seeing that vulnerability was the answer. And while I think it is super important for me to be vulnerable, that is not the solution. I needed to relearn that I have the Counselor with me all the time, and the word of God.

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. - Is 40:8 
Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away. - Matt 24:35

The message we share with others is life, and it's urgent. Before any of my women share their struggles with me, I always ask them if they have prayed about it first. If they haven't, I ask them to do that before we talk. God has to be number one. Let's remember that God is always listening to us, and he always hears our prayers.

After all, the scriptures do say that our prayers are in golden bowls in heaven, along with fragrant incense. Wow. (Rev 5:8, 8:3-4)

- little fire